What it Takes to Become

The New Year is upon us…

I was going through some of the files in my computer and I happened upon a poem I wrote in the early stages of my blogging. I thought it fit perfectly in this season of my life. Because we never stop becoming.

Robe: Thrift

Crop Top: Nasty Gal

Shorts and Slippers: Forever21

Can you see her? She expresses herself in the cadence of my voice and in the far reaches of my thoughts. Can you feel her? She makes herself known in the reach of my arms, the length of my legs and the years of wear on my skin. Can you hear her? She calls in the night forcing me to sit upright, not allowing me to wallow in self pity. Calling for my highest self to come forth. The angst of knowing there is something greater. Can you taste her? The bitter sweet that fills my tongue. I don't know whether to reject it or swallow it down like honey. It tastes so familiar and yet so foreign. Can you smell her? Her sweet perfume that permeates the room. Ha it's almost nauseating as it overwhelms me. I can't almost stand to breath but if I hold my breathe I might miss something. There is a distinctness to her scent, I know it...

Who is she? She is beauty. The best and the worst of me, the good, the bad, and the ugly. The inner depths of my soul, the stirrings of my spirit. The higher calling to be. I can't escape her, I try but she's never far behind. Tugging at my heart, interrupting my thoughts, telling me there is more. She's there when I lay down to sleep and she stares at me until I wake up the next day. She's so pesky, why won't she go away. She's like a fly buzzing around my head, I swat and she dodges me. What does she want from me? She wants my surrender, I know the moment that I give in to her that my life will change, that the scales of untruth and lies will fall from me like dead skin. Yet why am I so afraid of my own truth, to stare her down and own her, to wear her like a pretty dress and show her off. Because if I reveal her I can't take her back,I can't put her back in the closet. Once the seal is broken and I let her loose, my neatly packaged lie will fall apart. I won't be able to hide her anymore, yet hiding hurts, it stifles, it makes it hard to breath. But it's comfortable, it replicates safety, and nobody has to know right?  But I know and it eats away at me and she just won't leave me alone. I open my eyes and she's back, I give her my hand and I say yes.

With Love,

Cree